Tags

I’ve erased it all. I typed it all in, but I’ve erased it all. It is so cathartic. Every sin that I’ve stayed up nights pondering I have typed in my PC and deleted. I can’t really explain the feeling of release as I look at each and every word that describes my evil, and then to see it vanish before me. My therapist suggested it, and it is really quite wonderful. I’ve kept a mirror beside my chair so that I look at myself as all transgressions are erased, and I am reborn. I am like a child anew, the aging of life is gone from my eyes, and the dry, dead skin on my lips is new. The more I set here and think about it all the more I type. I have begun my list with the horrible acts, such as when I have stolen, ridiculed those who are weak, and cursed God. Now, I find myself typing in the minor infractions such as lying about love, and selfishness. Type; type; type away I do. The unholy act of erasing one’s self. I keep thinking back to all that I’ve done, and I see that I am more disappointed with myself than I had ever supposed. How horrible to have been living life second guessing. Wait! What if I am not so evil? But am I evil, or just a man? The mirror moments ago so beautiful is now ugly to me. I saw a marred face become beautiful as I typed away. Each transgression erased brought perfection closer. I had innocent eyes, but now I don’t know. It is ugly. I see a child’s face in the mirror, but the mirror is broken. All that regret is gone, but I find now…everything else is gone, as well.

Advertisements